Could a Morbidly Obese Goalie Shut Out an NHL Team?

Surprisingly tasteless for the Wall Street Journal online, this book excerpt is too hilarious not to share. The author considers, in depth, the possibility of an extremely fat hockey player completely blocking the goal and preventing any shots from scoring. Besides the obvious difficulties involved with someone that big being able to skate, it turns out there are NHL regulations on how big protective gear can be…

I had checked Johanna into the boards, but then she dropped her gloves. There are, she said, nonnegotiable restrictions on the size of goalie pads, and no regulation goalie pads would even come close to covering the body of a man who makes John Goodman look svelte. In practical terms this means a mammoth net-minder would have to absorb quite a bit of punishment on his exposed body from hard rubber pucks hurtling toward him at upward of 100 miles per hour. To pull this off, a team would not only have to find a uniquely fat guy, they’d have to find a total masochist.